TEEMA WRITES: YOU WANT TO MARRY ME? GASKIYA SE KA HADU (PART 1)

Nowadays, family get togethers are the best mood ruining gatherings, especially in Arewa. You cannot meet your aunt in peace again o.. 'yanzu dai an gama makaranta saura aure', or 'auren nan dai yana da amfani' have become the new salaams they spread. Some even 'accuse' us (yanmatan) of 'rawan ido'. Marriage is not fardh! It is an important sunnah, and sunnahs are meant to be carried out to modify and enhance our lives not to jeopardize it. These statements have made too many ladies desperate, seeking whatever way possible to get married to ANY man. Just any man.

I WILL NOT SETTLE, AND I REFUSE TO BE TRICKED INTO SETTLING for any man who doesn't meet up to my standards.

'Standards', yes, very 'cliché' but also something we should learn not to compromise on. Nothing wrong with wanting a man who's on deen, educated, knows how to treat a lady right and off course loves perfumes. Marriage is the icing on the cake, your partner is the cake and yes, you should worry about the taste of it.
        
These same aunts fa suke fara baza magana when things go down the drain.. 'ai dama rawan kan ta bazai bari ta zauna ba' seriously though aunty? When you slowly manipulated me into thinking marriage was the apex of all achievements and didn't let me have clear views, what was going through your mind? When you made it a daily chore to say 'duk kawayen ki sunyi aure saura ke', didn't you think of what fruits that might yeild?

Well... It's going to be me and him for a lifetime, so his face has to be one I'll love waking up to. His habits have to be something I can accommodate without fuss. Marriage is important, so is the happiness in it. I like to think of being single as a gift, a phase of life that gives you ample time to pray, decide and finally get stuck to one human.. Lol. Aure babu amfani idan babu soyayya... I want to be able to hug my husband years down the line and tickle the fancy of the little girl in me for making such a wondrous pick... Be proud of my choices and have my little Amrah set her standards looking for a man like her Paapa.

I'd rather have 10 failed relationships than one broken marriage. What's worse? The stigma of being divorced! You hear people spit fire from their mouths, 'kai, bazawara kake so? Zaka iya?' or 'kyale ta, baka dai san meya kashe mata aure ba'. Really? Okay, she was abused, physically, emotionally, and mentally. She's doesn't have 9 lives, so she leaves to spare the only one she has. What is so wrong about that. Other women have had their self esteems battered, so badly they'd rather endure an ugly marriage than roam the streets without a husband. Wallah wani auren suna ne kawai. To mijin bai da amfani... I mean he doesn't even make her smile. The last time she was genuinely happy might have been weeks, few weeks into the marriage that's a decade old now.

I've heard ladies say 'toh inna fito wa zai aure ni?' wani namijin mana! Men are out there, good men who still hold value tags they place on women. Men who were raised well by good women. Men who hold classic ideals and are drunk in deen. Men who live exemplary lives.

written by Fateemah Abubakar
GUEST WRITER FOR NORTHERN HIBISCUS
Email teemah714@gmail.com
Instagram teemah_writes